Considering how prevalent mental illness is, why do so few bloggers talk about it?

The aim of this blog is to write about my experience with mental illness, developments in my life as well as issues in the field of mental health all the while keeping a feminist framework.

I hope you can take something from this blog, whatever that may be.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Fearing one's self

I have had very few relationships which I would call 'successful'. While all relationships - romantic, friendship or otherwise - have their problems, I do not consider it to be a 'normal' relationship problem when friends/family etc stop calling when you are ill, I consider that an unsuccessful relationship. Am I wrong to think that a good relationship is one where the members can depend upon each other when the times get rough?
Recently, however, I have come to be in a relationship with a person who shows me the closest thing to unconditional love I could ever imagine. Sometimes I still dont believe it! I feel SO lucky to have someone who doesnt leave when I get sick
How sad is that?
Either way I am very fortunate to have this person in my life, but even better this person is my partner who I can imagine spending my life with. We have a healthy relationship and of course we have our problems but we are pretty good at working through them. He is much more emotionally stable than most people so compared to me.. oh god! He is like a mountain in my forest of chaos!
One problem I do have with his zen style is that when he does get upset about something in his life it is very upsetting to me and often i will completely reject him and those feelings. See when he does get upset, he has very similiar (though non clinical) symptoms of depression. When I see this, I bolt. Its too close to home. I see how he looks and how he is feeling and its like I am there with him, back in my depression.
So I panic and reject him.
To reject the only person who has ever excepted me is the epitome of hypocracy. I am getting a bit better at comforting him and helping him to work through it.
What it comes down to is this: When he is like that, it reminds me of my own pain, the part of me I hate and fear. Will I ever be able to accept him fully and how he processes his problems until I accept myself?

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