A note from ME: to prevent people from reading something they may feel uncomfortable with I am giving a: *small content warning: In this post I mention, very briefly, my past suicidal idealization*
Getting on board with a dr you trust who you feel will work WITH you to find something that works is much better than self medication. Ive done both. The former is better, productive and is a long term solution. The latter is selfish, lazy and only short term. That being said, I am a self medicator.... absolutely.
self medication comes from a lack of coping skills. I do not have coping skills! This fact was pretty apparent this last time 'round. Having promised my psychiatrist I wouldn't medicate with alcohol or pot (as I had in the past) I started smoking cigarettes and changed my relationship with food (either 'eating my emotions' as I like to call it, or restricting my food.) I was also engaging in other addictive behaviour I wont go into here because its not something I want to talk about, but I mention it becuase there are many different ways one can become addicted. I smoked because it centred me, gave me something to focus all my attention on in that moment. Restricting food game me something to think about all day long - when you have hunger pains, they remind you to think of food, when you are thinking of food, you are not thinking about suicide. eating my emotions gave me pleasure. It got me where I needed to go: out of the dangerous place
When it comes to safety, Whatever will keep you safe is what you should do. Once you are safe, however, then you have to get your butt in gear.
My trend has been to replace one bad coping mechanism with another. That is something I am still working on. Recognizing that is what I am doing has been important because when i begin to behave that way I know something is wrong... even if i didn't realise it before... its a good detection device... an early warning system.
How do you cope?