tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046327783883849972024-03-13T10:34:20.909-07:00crazed and infusedin the mind of a crazy feminist:
a space where feminist ideology and the experience of mental illness can unfurlCiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.comBlogger87125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-44238577547449823202012-01-13T12:34:00.000-08:002012-01-13T12:34:43.371-08:00Optimism? Really??Some exciting news: my partner and I are off on an adventure to S. Korea to teach English! I’ve been working full time for the last 3 months on getting our papers in order and getting our application to recruitment agencies, schools, and immigration together. It has been ridiculously convoluted and stressful. Perhaps inevitably, I’ve been feeling a little Blue the last few days.
Compared to Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-67343115952938704422011-08-30T11:21:00.000-07:002011-08-30T11:21:50.551-07:00Religion as TherapyHere is an article that you may find interesting about using writing to honour our struggles as a form of healing. While I do not abide to any sort of organized religion, I do see the significance of recognizing a higher power during recovery (and life after/between illness).
I use to see myself as a Christian but my illness really quelled that idea. The Christian outlook on God (or at Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-1059192165017414472011-08-11T12:21:00.000-07:002011-08-11T12:21:39.833-07:00A little taste of the reality that is living with this illnessA couple months ago, I had 3 or 4 days of anxiety symptoms. I didn't blink the first day (I had had minor symptoms intermittently over the course of my recovery and they generally go away the next day). Day two, I was like... 'hmmm what's going on?' So, I took an extra dose of my anti-psychotic (as recommended by my psychiatrist. Do not adjust your medication without supervision!) The third day. Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-79803752037033839352011-08-11T11:52:00.000-07:002011-08-11T11:52:50.265-07:00Bitch! How I love theeBitch, my favourite magazine, has a great blog you should all check out. They define themselves as a feminist response to pop culture. They are in my top three favourite blogs. What is even better? Right now they are doing a series of articles about mental illness. Definately check it out.
I am so excited to see a feminist blog doing a series on mental illness, and judging from the Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-36277207034041170422011-02-11T10:41:00.000-08:002011-02-11T10:42:32.227-08:00Update on Mewow its been a long time. finding inspiration is a toughy apparently. things are going really great so I have to be thankful. recently my dosage of the anti-psychotic I am on has gone down. originally I want to switch brands of the drug because it was simply too expensive to stay with the brand I was on ($200 a month). talking with my psychiatrist, however, we decided to forgo the risks of Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-51841720293696993952010-07-16T08:22:00.000-07:002010-07-16T08:23:47.974-07:00Responsibility for HappinessWith mental illness, how responsible are we for our own happiness?When I am depressed, it is all consuming. There is nothing that I can do to manage the symptoms. There is nothing I can do to ease the pain I feel, let alone make myself feel better. While I think that it is my responsibility to TRY to feel better, I recognize that it is generally an attempt that is in vain. So where do other Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-84756035898423399922010-07-16T07:31:00.000-07:002010-07-16T07:51:20.518-07:00Night Sweats and Mexico DreamsSo things have been good with me. Ive been keeping up on my medication and it is proving to be doing its job. My side effects are pretty annoying but manageable. One of the more annoying ones is my extensive night sweats. It’s pretty gross to wake up soaked! I have been having some anxiety symptoms. I know they are symptoms instead of just mild, but ‘normal’ sensations because of the full bodied Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-83374237121815393472010-07-12T13:14:00.000-07:002010-07-12T13:19:23.975-07:00I Never Promised You a Rose Garden Like Bitter Medicine, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden depicts a very raw experience with severe mental illness. Reading this book made me realize how fortunate I have been with my own experience of mental illness and how lucky we are to have medicines that help (sometimes).The story is about a girl named Deborah who is institutionalized in the 1960’s for her supposed schizophrenia (I say Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-18214768365486212892010-05-21T14:14:00.000-07:002010-05-21T14:20:08.218-07:00Bitter Medicine: A Graphic Memoir of Mental IllnessIve just started to read ‘I Never Promised You a Rose Garden’ as I am on a kick to read books related to mental illness. It got me thinking, however, that I hadn’t reviewed another mental illness themed book that I have read! Two months or so ago I went to the launch of the book “Bitter Medicine: A Graphic Memoir of Mental Illness”. It was really interesting. The co-authors spoke and had a short Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-1049542635487264542010-04-29T12:41:00.000-07:002010-05-12T11:30:38.864-07:00Gravity Journal by Gail Sidonie SobatI picked up a book for teens by an author I had read before. It sounded interesting – its main plot line is the experiences of a girl with mental illness – so I thought I would give it a try. It was an enjoyable read, very accessible too. A quick synopsis from the book’s back cover:Life is very grave for Anise. Hospitalized for anorexia, she wonders about the point of it all. Her frigid mother Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-21779497437545383842010-04-18T12:25:00.000-07:002010-04-18T12:46:51.091-07:00The Shame of SuicideI am lucky to say that I have never attempted suicide. I am lucky to have never been in that place. I have been suicidal on a number of occasions but never passed the planning phase. During my last episode I approached the attempt phase dangerously. I am lucky to have had someone in my life who I decided I did not want to have to deal with my death. He saved me because I was there, it was over, Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-45661537176405368892010-04-10T15:49:00.000-07:002010-04-10T17:58:55.789-07:00RememberingThe sight of your wristsIt makes my skin float,my milky whites acheSo closeThey feel transparentTear-ableA scratch will openPouringWarmSickCheeks flushed and coldEars ringSkin on edgeSo closeThe skin rattlesEver thinPumpingSound of pouringBreath stallsFear breaksSo closeCalming nowMilky whites cleanFirmI will remember how closeCiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-49269217065104603322010-03-24T10:41:00.001-07:002010-03-24T11:03:53.645-07:00Looking BackI keep a mood journal. Well, a very biased mood journal. I only really write in it when I am depressed. It does help me keep track of how I have been feeling, however. Sometimes I look back over it to see if I have made any progress and it can be shocking.I am easily addicted to things whether they be substances or practices. I made a special section in my journal talking about addictions and Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-83359955902618139002010-03-05T13:51:00.000-08:002010-03-05T14:04:56.563-08:00Update on MeWell its been 6 months and Im glad to say I dont have very much to report. No news is good news when it comes to mental illness prognosis! I have had some minor tweeks to my med regime but nothing too extensive. I have some bad days but Im lucky that they are never worse than minor inconvenience. It seems I have stabilized for now. I am still going to acupuncture every two weeks - which helps Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-74150227963782242852010-03-05T13:45:00.000-08:002010-03-05T13:51:35.890-08:00A long sleepWell, I have been away for quite some time now havent I? After vacation came school and with school came all that pesky homework. I really blame myself, however, for not keeping up with writing. As I have mentioned, not even my partner knows that I write this blog and writing it from home became a bit of a problem as my computer sits in the living room. I have also been disapointed to find that ICiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-29388828849412477922009-08-25T10:38:00.000-07:002009-08-25T10:48:30.038-07:00VacationI will be going on vacation on wednesday so I wont be posting until late next week. For now Ill just let you know that I am talking with the police tonight about the break in, and leave you with a post on gender and mental illness:Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-8630544069382475152009-08-20T10:44:00.000-07:002009-08-25T10:47:55.620-07:00Mental Illness and Gender: Some Musings about S.E.XI am constantly thinking about sex. (Shocking I know as I am a woman! (sarcasm) But nonetheless true) Unfortunately, my musing are often about how little I am having . Psychiatric drugs are the ultimate sex drive killer. They do not, however, kill my desire to want to have sex - I miss my sex drive!Something I find interesting, however, is the way this side effect intersects with gender. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-39028401518114782222009-08-20T09:18:00.000-07:002009-08-20T09:25:26.956-07:00Med Thief UpdateWell I regained some of my confidence in my sanity this morning. I found we were missing about $20 worth of rolled coins (though they were kind enough to leave $1.50 in pennies... thanks?). At least now I am confident that it was someone else and not just me going crazy... Thank God.Dealing with my building manager and soon the police. Ah well.Part of me is just sad for this person as they are Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-67305816071361620292009-08-18T11:11:00.000-07:002009-08-18T11:23:25.646-07:00Med Thief? This makes no senseSo last night I go to get my many many pills out so I can take them as well as to get out the ones I will take in the morning. I sit on my bed, open the drawer of my bed side table and reach in and grab…. Nothing. ALL my pills (the bottles and all) are gone: the ones I was using, the extras I have for later this month, a box of sample meds I was trying out and sleep meds that I don’t often use. Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-79105582767978149142009-08-17T08:35:00.001-07:002009-08-17T09:09:31.802-07:00Limited ViewIt is amazing that even with my numerous years of experience I am still able to down play my symptoms when I am between episodes. Perhaps this is a tendency which contributes to the number of people who have a mental illness who do not seek and sort of help. For example, in my last post I mentioned how the side effects of my new meds were making it hard for me to rationalize my use of them and Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-10066764985460284132009-08-14T09:42:00.000-07:002009-08-14T10:02:14.320-07:00Oh I can really feel the effects of these drugs... well just the side effectsSo Im trying out a second anti-psychotic trying to control my hypomania. Not going so well. In fact, I should mention that if this post doesnt make much sense its because im drowsy, groggy and generally a little confused.I now understand why so many people with mental illnesses go off their medication. Having suffered from only moderate depression (compared to those who are hospitalized with Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-46325594879115317462009-08-12T08:47:00.000-07:002009-08-12T09:39:53.522-07:00A Rant: (Bear with me)My psychiatrist has diagnosed me three times at three different appointments, each in a frighteningly short amount of time. I was referred by my doctor because of how complicated my major depression was. That appointment she agreed with my first doctor and increased my dose of my already prescribed anti-depressant. On my second (or third) appointment she told me that I seemed to have 'bi-polar Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-9016198452337763362009-08-12T07:38:00.000-07:002009-08-12T09:38:27.831-07:00Mental Illness and Gender: Some Musings about Gender RolesHaving a mental illness is taboo and those with one (or more) is a group who experiences discrimination. But of course we are not ONLY our mental illness; there are many other factors which make up our identities. I identify as a young white woman who is able bodied and is of the middle class who has a mental illness. Being as such I encounter certain issues that those of different genders, age Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-40061287666376779632009-08-04T10:08:00.000-07:002009-08-05T07:59:24.322-07:00Shame on youJust this year my psychiatrist discussed with me my 'bipolar tendencies' (read: "you don't really fit into our categories so I am just going to say you mostly have major depressive disorder but you sometimes have manic-y symptoms"). Its been an interesting (?) addition to my experience of mental illness. I had suspected that something like that had been going on but had never really spoken to an Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-15230157690069589982009-07-28T10:16:00.000-07:002009-07-28T10:18:00.494-07:00Some last Blogathon InformationThe Mood Disorders Society of CanadaThe MDSC are the principal national advocates in Canada for people living with depression, bipolar disorder and related mood disorders.They have:-international linkages through GAMIAN International and the IIMHL (International Initiative for Mental Health Leadership) and ISAD (International Society for Affective Disorders).-provincial linkages with mood Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0