tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4046327783883849972012-01-13T12:34:43.361-08:00in the mind of a crazy feminist: a space where feminist ideology and the experience of mental illness can unfurlCiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.comBlogger871100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-44238577547449823202012-01-13T12:34:00.000-08:002012-01-13T12:34:43.371-08:00

Some exciting news: my partner and I are off on an adventure to S. Korea to teach English! I’ve been working full time for the last 3 months on getting our papers in order and getting our application to recruitment agencies, schools, and immigration together. It has been ridiculously convoluted and stressful. Perhaps inevitably, I’ve been feeling a little Blue the last few days. Compared to

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-67343115952938704422011-08-30T11:21:00.000-07:002011-08-30T11:21:50.551-07:00

Here is an article that you may find interesting about using writing to honour our struggles as a form of healing. While I do not abide to any sort of organized religion, I do see the significance of recognizing a higher power during recovery (and life after/between illness). I use to see myself as a Christian but my illness really quelled that idea. The Christian outlook on God (or at least how

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-1059192165017414472011-08-11T12:21:00.000-07:002011-08-11T12:21:39.833-07:00

A couple months ago, I had 3 or 4 days of anxiety symptoms. I didn't blink the first day (I had had minor symptoms intermittently over the course of my recovery and they generally go away the next day). Day two, I was like... 'hmmm what's going on?' So, I took an extra dose of my anti-psychotic (as recommended by my psychiatrist. Do not adjust your medication without supervision!) The third day.

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-79803752037033839352011-08-11T11:52:00.000-07:002011-08-11T11:52:50.265-07:00

Bitch, my favourite magazine, has a great blog you should all check out. They define themselves as a feminist response to pop culture. They are in my top three favourite blogs. What is even better? Right now they are doing a series of articles about mental illness. Definately check it out. I am so excited to see a feminist blog doing a series on mental illness, and judging from the comments,

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-36277207034041170422011-02-11T10:41:00.000-08:002011-02-11T10:42:32.227-08:00

wow its been a long time. finding inspiration is a toughy apparently. things are going really great so I have to be thankful. recently my dosage of the anti-psychotic I am on has gone down. originally I want to switch brands of the drug because it was simply too expensive to stay with the brand I was on ($200 a month). talking with my psychiatrist, however, we decided to forgo the risks of

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-51841720293696993952010-07-16T08:22:00.000-07:002010-07-16T08:23:47.974-07:00

With mental illness, how responsible are we for our own happiness?When I am depressed, it is all consuming. There is nothing that I can do to manage the symptoms. There is nothing I can do to ease the pain I feel, let alone make myself feel better. While I think that it is my responsibility to TRY to feel better, I recognize that it is generally an attempt that is in vain. So where do other

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-84756035898423399922010-07-16T07:31:00.000-07:002010-07-16T07:51:20.518-07:00

So things have been good with me. Ive been keeping up on my medication and it is proving to be doing its job. My side effects are pretty annoying but manageable. One of the more annoying ones is my extensive night sweats. It’s pretty gross to wake up soaked! I have been having some anxiety symptoms. I know they are symptoms instead of just mild, but ‘normal’ sensations because of the full bodied

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-83374237121815393472010-07-12T13:14:00.000-07:002010-07-12T13:19:23.975-07:00

Like Bitter Medicine, I Never Promised You a Rose Garden depicts a very raw experience with severe mental illness. Reading this book made me realize how fortunate I have been with my own experience of mental illness and how lucky we are to have medicines that help (sometimes).The story is about a girl named Deborah who is institutionalized in the 1960’s for her supposed schizophrenia (I say

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-18214768365486212892010-05-21T14:14:00.000-07:002010-05-21T14:20:08.218-07:00

Ive just started to read ‘I Never Promised You a Rose Garden’ as I am on a kick to read books related to mental illness. It got me thinking, however, that I hadn’t reviewed another mental illness themed book that I have read! Two months or so ago I went to the launch of the book “Bitter Medicine: A Graphic Memoir of Mental Illness”. It was really interesting. The co-authors spoke and had a short

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-1049542635487264542010-04-29T12:41:00.000-07:002010-05-12T11:30:38.864-07:00

I picked up a book for teens by an author I had read before. It sounded interesting – its main plot line is the experiences of a girl with mental illness – so I thought I would give it a try. It was an enjoyable read, very accessible too. A quick synopsis from the book’s back cover:Life is very grave for Anise. Hospitalized for anorexia, she wonders about the point of it all. Her frigid mother

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-21779497437545383842010-04-18T12:25:00.000-07:002010-04-18T12:46:51.091-07:00

I am lucky to say that I have never attempted suicide. I am lucky to have never been in that place. I have been suicidal on a number of occasions but never passed the planning phase. During my last episode I approached the attempt phase dangerously. I am lucky to have had someone in my life who I decided I did not want to have to deal with my death. He saved me because I was there, it was over,

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-45661537176405368892010-04-10T15:49:00.000-07:002010-04-10T17:58:55.789-07:00

The sight of your wristsIt makes my skin float,my milky whites acheSo closeThey feel transparentTear-ableA scratch will openPouringWarmSickCheeks flushed and coldEars ringSkin on edgeSo closeThe skin rattlesEver thinPumpingSound of pouringBreath stallsFear breaksSo closeCalming nowMilky whites cleanFirmI will remember how close

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-49269217065104603322010-03-24T10:41:00.001-07:002010-03-24T11:03:53.645-07:00

I keep a mood journal. Well, a very biased mood journal. I only really write in it when I am depressed. It does help me keep track of how I have been feeling, however. Sometimes I look back over it to see if I have made any progress and it can be shocking.I am easily addicted to things whether they be substances or practices. I made a special section in my journal talking about addictions and

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-83359955902618139002010-03-05T13:51:00.000-08:002010-03-05T14:04:56.563-08:00

Well its been 6 months and Im glad to say I dont have very much to report. No news is good news when it comes to mental illness prognosis! I have had some minor tweeks to my med regime but nothing too extensive. I have some bad days but Im lucky that they are never worse than minor inconvenience. It seems I have stabilized for now. I am still going to acupuncture every two weeks - which helps

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-74150227963782242852010-03-05T13:45:00.000-08:002010-03-05T13:51:35.890-08:00

Well, I have been away for quite some time now havent I? After vacation came school and with school came all that pesky homework. I really blame myself, however, for not keeping up with writing. As I have mentioned, not even my partner knows that I write this blog and writing it from home became a bit of a problem as my computer sits in the living room. I have also been disapointed to find that I

Ciahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00414605205907332851noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-29388828849412477922009-08-25T10:38:00.000-07:002009-08-25T10:48:30.038-07:00

I will be going on vacation on wednesday so I wont be posting until late next week. For now Ill just let you know that I am talking with the police tonight about the break in, and leave you with a post on gender and mental illness:

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-8630544069382475152009-08-20T10:44:00.000-07:002009-08-25T10:47:55.620-07:00

I am constantly thinking about sex. (Shocking I know as I am a woman! (sarcasm) But nonetheless true) Unfortunately, my musing are often about how little I am having . Psychiatric drugs are the ultimate sex drive killer. They do not, however, kill my desire to want to have sex - I miss my sex drive!Something I find interesting, however, is the way this side effect intersects with gender.

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-39028401518114782222009-08-20T09:18:00.000-07:002009-08-20T09:25:26.956-07:00

Well I regained some of my confidence in my sanity this morning. I found we were missing about $20 worth of rolled coins (though they were kind enough to leave $1.50 in pennies... thanks?). At least now I am confident that it was someone else and not just me going crazy... Thank God.Dealing with my building manager and soon the police. Ah well.Part of me is just sad for this person as they are

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-67305816071361620292009-08-18T11:11:00.000-07:002009-08-18T11:23:25.646-07:00

So last night I go to get my many many pills out so I can take them as well as to get out the ones I will take in the morning. I sit on my bed, open the drawer of my bed side table and reach in and grab…. Nothing. ALL my pills (the bottles and all) are gone: the ones I was using, the extras I have for later this month, a box of sample meds I was trying out and sleep meds that I don’t often use.

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-79105582767978149142009-08-17T08:35:00.001-07:002009-08-17T09:09:31.802-07:00

It is amazing that even with my numerous years of experience I am still able to down play my symptoms when I am between episodes. Perhaps this is a tendency which contributes to the number of people who have a mental illness who do not seek and sort of help. For example, in my last post I mentioned how the side effects of my new meds were making it hard for me to rationalize my use of them and

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-10066764985460284132009-08-14T09:42:00.000-07:002009-08-14T10:02:14.320-07:00

So Im trying out a second anti-psychotic trying to control my hypomania. Not going so well. In fact, I should mention that if this post doesnt make much sense its because im drowsy, groggy and generally a little confused.I now understand why so many people with mental illnesses go off their medication. Having suffered from only moderate depression (compared to those who are hospitalized with

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-46325594879115317462009-08-12T08:47:00.000-07:002009-08-12T09:39:53.522-07:00

My psychiatrist has diagnosed me three times at three different appointments, each in a frighteningly short amount of time. I was referred by my doctor because of how complicated my major depression was. That appointment she agreed with my first doctor and increased my dose of my already prescribed anti-depressant. On my second (or third) appointment she told me that I seemed to have 'bi-polar

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-9016198452337763362009-08-12T07:38:00.000-07:002009-08-12T09:38:27.831-07:00

Having a mental illness is taboo and those with one (or more) is a group who experiences discrimination. But of course we are not ONLY our mental illness; there are many other factors which make up our identities. I identify as a young white woman who is able bodied and is of the middle class who has a mental illness. Being as such I encounter certain issues that those of different genders, age

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-40061287666376779632009-08-04T10:08:00.000-07:002009-08-05T07:59:24.322-07:00

Just this year my psychiatrist discussed with me my 'bipolar tendencies' (read: "you don't really fit into our categories so I am just going to say you mostly have major depressive disorder but you sometimes have manic-y symptoms"). Its been an interesting (?) addition to my experience of mental illness. I had suspected that something like that had been going on but had never really spoken to an

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-15230157690069589982009-07-28T10:16:00.000-07:002009-07-28T10:18:00.494-07:00

The Mood Disorders Society of CanadaThe MDSC are the principal national advocates in Canada for people living with depression, bipolar disorder and related mood disorders.They have:-international linkages through GAMIAN International and the IIMHL (International Initiative for Mental Health Leadership) and ISAD (International Society for Affective Disorders).-provincial linkages with mood

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-56530634046141046782009-07-28T10:14:00.000-07:002009-07-28T10:15:40.149-07:00

07:00 "Did you leave the Kettle on?"-Right after I wrote the entry about the bus ad "Did you leave the iron on?" I proceeded to put a kettle of water on stove and proceeded to walk away from it and take a shower! What the hell? It was a quick 5 minute shower but not the smartest choice I made... Guess I deserved the karma burns.. ha07:20 "How many more times can I burn myself on this Kettle!!!

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-7232345890987041282009-07-28T10:11:00.000-07:002009-07-28T10:13:51.515-07:00

Ive noticed that many of the bloggers who took part in Saturday's blogathon have been holding off and posting since. I dont blame em! I myself have not posted as I have been just too tired. Plus I ran out of stuff to talk about!I will begin posting again soon, hopefully today.Have a good tuesday

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-14398544288235965332009-07-26T05:58:00.000-07:002009-07-26T06:00:14.237-07:00

Well look at that! thats 24 hours baby!Thanks to the gang at blogathon and to my sponsors and to mood disorders society of canada - because they are all awesome!Now, I am off to bed, hope to hear from you all again soonxoposted 6:00am!! on the dot!!

Cianoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-39991844686639568322009-07-26T05:20:00.000-07:002009-07-26T05:24:42.933-07:00

Feminism isa 4 syllable word thatI have trouble spelling...okay that was really bad... and didnt even follow the rules of the Haiku (just as some of the others did not either!) my bed is calling!posted 5:24

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-67782671118556548152009-07-26T04:51:00.001-07:002009-07-26T04:56:00.117-07:00

I cant believe only an hour left! I honestly do not believe its been 23 hours...crazy!I am definately loopy, and tired, and feeling a bit like I have a cold/sinus infection coming on, but I thought it would be much more difficult than it was. I thought my mood would interfere: that my anxiety would make me fixate on the vast quanitiy i was required to make and freeze me with that anticipation. I

Cianoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-5203333186798155182009-07-26T04:33:00.000-07:002009-07-26T04:39:09.299-07:00

Reassurance'What doesn't kill youwill only make you stronger' ?Stronger to punch youposted 4:38

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-11887700206516063212009-07-26T03:48:00.000-07:002009-07-26T03:53:02.947-07:00

EpisodesHurt so deep withinit claws its way up and outtearing what was leftposted 3:52

Cianoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-14754123316557262782009-07-26T03:23:00.000-07:002009-07-26T03:26:32.316-07:00

Definately could use some sleep but I am surprised I am keeping 'er together so well. Knitting and watching queer as folk.lucky to have some lightning to watch too... the rain is cooling things down a bit tooposted 3:26

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-37917361576740353652009-07-26T02:57:00.000-07:002009-07-26T03:01:38.609-07:00

My palmbeige and burgandytriangle, oval, round, squaredescribe my new hope?posted 3:01

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-90100586378534828872009-07-26T02:21:00.000-07:002009-07-26T02:23:01.751-07:00

What do you think? posted 2:22

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-14239568974688446842009-07-26T01:48:00.000-07:002009-07-26T01:55:34.642-07:00

Have you heard of Sarah Haskins? She is fantastic: check her outhttp://current.com/items/89830244_sarah-haskins-in-target-women-skin-care.htmposted 1:55

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-11023435625252009032009-07-26T01:26:00.000-07:002009-07-26T01:37:02.310-07:00

Supportseven letters longessential as food and airfor now and the restLoveReminds me of whoI am and will be again.So she isnt lostMy LoverYou saved me last fallDo you realise this truth?I better myself for youposted 1:35

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-29419284390890255082009-07-26T01:00:00.000-07:002009-07-26T01:03:32.309-07:00

sitting on my big blue chair my knees up to my chin typing this sentence. I have a green ball of yarn next to me that is being worked into a neck warmer. above the yarn, on my desk is my book "the vampire choronicals collection" by anne rice. I just finished reading Interview with the Vampire, and the Vampire Lestat, now I am moving on to Queen of the Damned. On my desk is some tylenol for my

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-32571091914075725952009-07-26T00:22:00.000-07:002009-07-26T00:27:31.639-07:00

My favorite part of having a disorder:having an illnesslets me see how awkward you getwhen i tell you soposted 12:27

Cianoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-7162581338470186022009-07-25T23:51:00.000-07:002009-07-26T00:04:52.131-07:00

"normal" peopleYou are so boringyou and 98%of societySee, I have the giftA gift of pessimism(to the max it seems)But what you dont seeis how blind you are to truth.Look...the world is fucked!Wait! these are your thoughts..but then that would mean... you tooare not so 'normal'posted 12:04

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-1640697191666661282009-07-25T23:24:00.000-07:002009-07-25T23:29:40.618-07:00

PsychiatryI once proclaimed, thatin which i trusted my brainmy life, was a hoaxPsychiatristsDo you understand?I know what it feels like in hereCan you try to see?posted 11:29

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-37010122726647038622009-07-25T22:50:00.000-07:002009-07-25T22:54:25.169-07:00

I hope I get this right... its 5/7/5 right? here goes nothing:#1 DepressionIt is strange to writeabout that which causes painas you would a doveposted 10:54

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-7033189032168109282009-07-25T22:19:00.000-07:002009-07-25T22:30:33.373-07:00

Trying to make the rounds for some of my fellow blogathoners. I have been randomly selecting blogs so i can check em out. Its interesting to see the variety!Im trying to post on others sites to motivate them, and it ends up motivating me too!What's Up:Nothing has changed much since my last what's up HOURS ago. Im still chillin at the computer, browsing the internet, listening to music, watching

Cianoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-25846905597423847322009-07-25T21:54:00.000-07:002009-07-25T21:59:30.981-07:00

Donnie DarkoIt looked like it would freak me out, from what I hear about it I think it would freak me out, and considering my friend said 'itll make you question your sanity, you wont like' I dont think ill be watching it anytime soon.I hear its one of those movies you have to see... am i really missing out?poster 9:59

Cianoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-36736080687307793832009-07-25T21:23:00.000-07:002009-07-25T21:30:01.514-07:00

Please go and watch this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bgzZ2Ta0EpAI promise you will not regret it.This was definiately my favorite show as a kid. Now when I look back at it I am slightly horrified for it does give very poor messages to young girls, i mean they are walking and talking barbie dolls....BUT, if you look at Jerrica/Jem and her friends they are successful, independant women who care

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-80319120049941756792009-07-25T20:47:00.000-07:002009-07-25T21:03:46.356-07:00

I have a complicated relationship with my grandparents. I love them to the very depths of my heart. COming from a family that never lived near relatives 'family' equalled my parents and sibling... when I had no family near they came to represent 'family' and I continue to see them this way. They could love me in such a silent yet powerful way it still brings tears to my eyes.When my Grandpa died

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-61095126908254747982009-07-25T20:26:00.001-07:002009-07-25T20:28:46.568-07:00

something fun for all you out there feeling the lull....watch it!http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI&feature=PlayList&p=D8D6B9F96A784F7F&index=6do you even remember what it was like before youtube? same with google.. what did you do when you were bored? how did you find out information?;)posted 8:28

Cianoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-4538792975708721062009-07-25T19:53:00.000-07:002009-07-25T20:10:19.097-07:00

A note from ME: to prevent people from reading something they may feel uncomfortable with I am giving a: *small content warning: In this post I mention, very briefly, my past suicidal idealization*Getting on board with a dr you trust who you feel will work WITH you to find something that works is much better than self medication. Ive done both. The former is better, productive and is a long term

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-58825402889131593502009-07-25T19:24:00.000-07:002009-07-25T19:32:07.296-07:00

As mentioned, this is my longest episode of depression to date. 13 months far exceeds my other stints (6-8 months on average). This is also the first time I have even done the psychotherapy + drugs route. currently I am still on the drugs and they are still being adjusted but I have stopped going to therapy. It was good that I had it to get me through the worst of it (It is very good that I had

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-36194486361015056902009-07-25T18:43:00.000-07:002009-07-25T19:00:16.783-07:00

I am wondering in which direction I should go.. are people interested in hearing about more of my personal experience? [prescriptions? self medication? what Ive learned about myself? what i have learned about other? what i have learned about doctors? what Ive learned about the world?]Should I go towards the academic info? (I do have some interesting stuff here)I dont want to go into feminism on

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-80328810143703062942009-07-25T18:23:00.000-07:002009-07-25T18:29:08.845-07:00

Well we are over half way there! Cant believe how fast the day goes when you think in 30 minute intervals! I hope I can keep 'er going.I am worried that my headaches and general drowsiness (from my mono-esk illness) wont keep me down. I am glad I have my up late partner with me. (he is still playing final fantasy.. hes been doing it since I started blogging! If only there was a gamer-athon... but

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-14151795298776702002009-07-25T17:52:00.000-07:002009-07-25T18:04:11.315-07:00

This form of depression is characterised by its routinized episodes. Generally episodes begin in late fall- early winter and last until spring. Thought to be caused by the lack of sun exposure (and therefore the lack of regulation of melatonin) it can be treated by phototherapy. The bright light mimics the suns rays and helps to restore balance.SAD is particularly relevant for Canada as we have a

Cianoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-12968570832025698082009-07-25T17:23:00.000-07:002009-07-25T17:37:42.995-07:00

Watching Lady Gaga for a bit of a breakcheck out what Im watching: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SAHfJsqalksI have a crush on her. While I dont normally admit to liking pop, the thing about her is that she is actually saying something DIFFERENT (in pokerface at least). In pokerface she is talking about deception in regard to women deceiving men for sex... now I am not condoning it, but it is

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-33400680518120048572009-07-25T16:44:00.000-07:002009-07-25T17:00:00.642-07:00

Triggers can mean a lot of things to different people. To me they mean two things:1. Something that triggers flashbacks to my sexual assault.2. something that triggers an episode of depression or symptoms in general if i am already depressed.My main trigger for depression has always been my family. if I go back and think what was going on in my life before the episode, there has ALWAYS been a

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-72575185544848849602009-07-25T16:23:00.001-07:002009-07-25T16:32:29.082-07:00

Vanilla Sky This movie is the reason why I stopped watching movies that make you question your sanity. This movie really freaked me out! I watched it with my grade 12 boyfriend one night. He fell asleep and I ended up watching most of it by myself. The ending freaked me out and I tried to wake him up just to regroup (you know, like watching cartoons after a horror movie?) and he wouldnt wake up (

Cianoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-40830632087937097582009-07-25T15:48:00.000-07:002009-07-25T15:59:21.401-07:00

I am looking forward to a movie that is situated in the present. All I know of what psychiatric hospitals are from movies such as "House of Fools" discussed earlier. Set in decades back it would not be a fair representation of hospitals today. But it was portrayed as dirty, outdated and overcrowded. This picture is the kind of thing I think of when I think back to the 'dark ages' and the

Cianoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-8341404710441812602009-07-25T15:19:00.000-07:002009-07-25T16:33:00.789-07:00

DexterI love Dexter, the show and the character (I have such a crush on that anti-hero). For those of you who have never seen the HBO show, it stars Dexter, a guy who can easily be described as a psychopath. Since a young age he has had the symptoms of conduct disorder and later, antisocial personality disorder (the technical term for what is commonly known as psychopathology.) Because his father

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-44157338716641570582009-07-25T14:57:00.000-07:002009-07-25T16:33:00.789-07:00

Criminal Minds:While I enjoy this show (my mom and I use to watch 'Profiler' when I was like 7 and thats what I wanted to be, until I found out I would have to take lots of science classes!) it gives horrible portrayals of the mentally ill! the first season was especially bad because every 'bad guy' had some sort of disorder.This show gets thumbs down for encouraging the stereotype that those

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-15302430222060920702009-07-25T14:19:00.000-07:002009-07-25T14:24:51.043-07:00

Heres a check in of 'whats up and going on around me'-its hot and humid: wearing only a bra and pj nighty around my waist.-two fans in the room, one pointed directly at me and blowing wind in my ear which kinda hurts, the other pointed toward my partner. for a funny fan story, see the side bar with 'funny blogathon moments'-my partner is directly behind men playing video games... final fantasy (

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-30978154026992998102009-07-25T13:46:00.000-07:002009-07-25T16:34:01.647-07:00

I know I do. I suffer.I know some people like more empowering terms ('living with mental illness', an idea I found on here) but I am not in a place in my life where I can speak of it in these ways.Bringing my knowledge of feminism and anti-sexual violence activism I know some people have begun identifying as 'sexual assault survivors' to remove the lack of agency implied by 'victim'. I myself

Cianoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-18131377478328850602009-07-25T13:20:00.000-07:002009-07-25T16:32:29.083-07:00

#2 Fight Club: spoiler alertJust as in Beautiful Mind the audience is submerged into a world where all is not as it seems. Unlike Beautiful Mind where the audience is an outsider looking in to the world and experiences of a mental disorder, Fight Club includes you for the ride.Here you are the mentally ill character, and you, like the character dont even know it! Like I mentioned in my last post,

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-69882583447658444702009-07-25T12:43:00.000-07:002009-07-25T16:34:14.982-07:00

Can I sum up what I 'have', or if we want to be nicer, what I have been 'diagnosed with' - not really. But I know that my life is affected by my diagnose(s)If you are new to my blog you may notice I continually writer disorder with an 's' in bracketts. Im my experience, my doctors LOVE to diagnose me all different kinds of things. I know I have depression, I sometimes have hypomanic impulses, and

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-29498527286563120642009-07-25T12:22:00.000-07:002009-07-25T16:34:25.292-07:00

Did you know that the likelihood people with mental illness will be victims of a crime is 2.5 times that of the general population?What a scary statistic. We are a vulnerable group, especially because our legal rights can be taken away from us when we are severely ill (or perceived to be severely ill). Having caretakers also increases the risk of victimization as you will see if you look up the

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-74355124289137703742009-07-25T11:46:00.000-07:002009-07-25T11:58:50.349-07:00

How many times have you heard someone say, "I'm so depressed" when something very minute has happened... "oh I have to work this weekend... im so depressed"Well this is insensitive to the experience of those with clinic (and subclinical) depression (of all kinds). What erks me much more, however, is the misuse of the words 'schizophrenic', 'schizo', and 'schizophrenia'[Ill come back to the

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-77181064997443600862009-07-25T11:19:00.001-07:002009-07-25T11:29:01.479-07:00

Here are some of the blogs I read on a frequent basis that give me my feminist-fix for the day. Check em out:Feministing.comcontexts.org/socimagesracialicious.comthecurvature.com (who is also blogathon-ing it up!)Some new mental illness included blogs I have just been introduced to:http://loopylou.co.uk/ (blogathon)www.reneerigdon.com (blogathon)If you have more suggestions of other great blogs,

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-24747354384670763982009-07-25T10:51:00.001-07:002009-07-25T16:33:00.790-07:00

Seem to be on the movie kick so ill continue here:#2 One Flew Over the Cuckoo's NestPerhaps an obvious choice but I like it for very specific reasons. The portrayl of Chief Bromden, the tall and silent Aboriginal man, is why I like this movie. I feel it delves into some of the ways society can silence individuals. Being non-White, but more particularily, being Aboriginal in a country whose

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-31353117662182681932009-07-25T10:33:00.001-07:002009-07-25T10:34:17.475-07:00

WOW, my time stamp is really off now. I am going to add the time to my posts until this problem corrects itself. Thanks!

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-75996349345284998952009-07-25T10:11:00.000-07:002009-07-25T16:32:29.084-07:00

I am not a fan of movies that make me question my own sanity! I do that enough as it is... movies like this make me think that perhaps I am much worse of than I am aware!#1 Beautiful MindWhile brilliant beautiful and moving, this movie hits too close to home. While I have never suffered from schizophrenia, seeing someone who is completely committed to one way of thinking and, as an audience,

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-12862541150147661602009-07-25T09:45:00.000-07:002009-07-25T16:32:29.084-07:00

This will be a recurring post today paired with Bad mental illness themed movies.#1. House of FoolsFrom Russia, this subtitled film takes place in a mental institute during the Chechen War. Caught between the opposing forces the hospital residents find themselves alone without staff. A great movie that really gets you thinking... who are the people who are 'ill' in the world? Are those with the

Cianoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-35653847613188683212009-07-25T09:21:00.001-07:002009-07-25T09:29:13.617-07:00

The one kink I am having in my blogathon plan is my inability to let perfectionism go! I generally work on blog entries at work (its pretty dull there so I have time) so I work on an entry on and off all day. I type a little, think for a bit, and continue, then have time to go back to proof read and change some details... I don't have time for that here!I think my women's studies program has made

Cianoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-52943883778542711212009-07-25T08:51:00.000-07:002009-07-25T08:58:41.442-07:00

Check out my new sidebar feature called "funny blogathon moments" which I will be updating regularily. I feel pretty loopy today so I am sure there will be many!Does anyone else feel the time flying by? (I hope I didnt just jinx myself!)[note my time stamp is till off by close to 10 minutes]

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-14130579279619878632009-07-25T08:21:00.000-07:002009-07-25T08:31:44.791-07:00

Here are some of the things I have planned for the next 24 hours for my own entertainment (besides talking to you lovely people)-watch/have on in the background: Invader Zim, Friends, Queer as Folk (season 3 at the moment)-music: Matt Good, Lady Gaga and all the pop stars I hate to admit I love to rock out to sometimes, Chilli Peppers, and whatever else strikes me-knitt: have a nice neck warmer (

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-49742908742620801102009-07-25T07:44:00.001-07:002009-07-25T16:35:10.881-07:00

I have always thought that one has the right to identify with any term he or she wishes. Sometimes I can identify with the term "crazy". On my site I use it right in the name of my blog. That was a choice mainly because I know that there will be some insensitive jackass who thinks it is funny to send hate mail (Bitter? Moi?) and I wanted to claim that word as my own before someone tried to use it

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-74238253141465761922009-07-25T07:15:00.000-07:002009-07-25T07:27:46.373-07:00

So... we are all supposed to be "normal". Us crazies are supposed to be striving for "normal".Well one thing they never taught me in the doctor's/psychiatrist/psychologist office was what the hell 'normal' is!I know I always put scare quotes on the word "normal".. even when I speak it. And I know that many doctors in the field know that its nothing more than an arbitrary category that really

Cianoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-16539809333101958692009-07-25T06:48:00.000-07:002009-07-25T07:05:05.598-07:00

I saw recently an ad on a bus that said, "did you leave the iron on?" It was an ad for an insurance company, i think, and it quite upset me. While I know it is making reference to the 'normal' concerns of many that perhaps their homes are in danger because of 'carelessness' and that "with _______ insurance, you no longer need to worry because we have you covered" (im sure their logo goes

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-61489557899756223072009-07-25T06:30:00.000-07:002009-07-25T06:31:36.059-07:00

The time stamp on that last entry says 6:15 when it should have said 6:28 like my PST clock does... I will try to fix before my next post!

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-7190995708842044792009-07-25T06:15:00.000-07:002009-07-25T06:29:33.849-07:00

I have to preface by saying that I only woke up 45 minutes ago so I still feel ultra groggy as if my mind has yet to wake. (Plus I have yet to choke down all the pills I have in front of me that always help to wake me up but are damn hard to swallow when you are half asleep!)I am glad to have the support of my sponsor Lou (hey Lou!), and all the blogathon peeps. But I would like to make a giant,

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-30266387813647714532009-07-25T05:49:00.001-07:002009-07-25T06:00:17.306-07:00

Welcome to Blogathon 2009!This is my first _____-athon since my grade 8 choir did an 'Awake-athon' where we all stayed awake for 24 hours (and watched movies in our PJs) to raise money for our choir trip (pretty sweet eh?) All I really remember of the whole experience was realising - to my horror - that I had put my pj shorts on inside out and backward! All I could think was: 'all those popular,

Cianoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-26576231971940994532009-07-22T10:57:00.000-07:002009-07-22T20:18:49.248-07:00

Been busy trying to find sponsors for Blogathon 2009. Letters requesting sponsorship are not the funnest thing to write, and it makes it harder when you have a pounding headache! Check out the side bar for more information about Blogathon and how you can help!On another note, I have a psychiatrist appointment today and I cant help but think, 'okay, what strategy will i use today?' Am I just jaded

Cianoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-18834539708389501712009-07-20T12:59:00.000-07:002009-07-22T07:50:40.987-07:00

It's official! I will be blogging for the Mood Disorders Society of Canada (MDSC) for Blogathon 2009. They are a great organization so you should definitely check out their website: mooddisorderscanada.caAnd, of course, I ask you to consider sponsoring my efforts to raise money for MDSC. You can contact me or go to blogathon.org and look up my blog so you can donate directly to the org. You can

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-73557111160807568222009-07-17T09:37:00.000-07:002009-07-17T11:27:24.741-07:00

This was something I was unaware of: Mad Pride 2009 in Toronto. Check out http://www.madpridetoronto.blogspot.com/ for more information. (poster image from www.friendlyspike.ca/MadPride.html) Im not surprised I had never heard about this. Mental illness is 'scary' and definitely taboo, people dont like to talk about it. I was happy to see that there are events like this that are reclaiming the

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-54064631535621934002009-07-15T07:56:00.001-07:002009-07-15T08:10:10.317-07:00

On July 25 I will be blogging for 24 hours to raise funds for a mental health organization! As soon as I have recieved confirmation from this organization I will post it here.Check out blogathon.org to find out how you can blog to raise money and/or sponsor my efforts! I think its a really unique way to support causes you think are important.If you have any ideas for companies/individuals who

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-10842591990291838642009-07-14T09:14:00.000-07:002009-07-16T13:30:12.938-07:00

I have had very few relationships which I would call 'successful'. While all relationships - romantic, friendship or otherwise - have their problems, I do not consider it to be a 'normal' relationship problem when friends/family etc stop calling when you are ill, I consider that an unsuccessful relationship. Am I wrong to think that a good relationship is one where the members can depend upon

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-36865601335611273902009-07-13T09:53:00.000-07:002009-07-13T13:31:56.499-07:00

I saw on Twitter today that Rethink is holding a campaign to challenge the stigma regarding mental illness. It got me thinking about what concerns me most because of my own experience with mental illness. I think I have three primary areas of concern: 1. Stigma and discrimination 2. treatment and recovery and 3. the 'experts' who work in the field.[A note: I am lucky to live in a country and

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-87551672457379027372009-07-10T14:15:00.000-07:002009-07-10T14:33:17.381-07:00

Mental Illness in Canada-Chances of having a mental illness in your lifetime in Canada: One in five.-At any given time, percentage of Canadians who have a mental illness: 10.4%-Percentage of Canadians who experience a major depression in their lifetime: 8%-Percentage of Canadians who will experience bi-polar disorder in their lifetime: 1%-Percentage of Canadians who will experience schizophrenia

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-18149410109450683302009-07-10T12:10:00.000-07:002009-07-10T12:41:09.147-07:00

Considering how prevalent mental illness is, especially in women, why do so few bloggers talk about it? Many mention it in passing but I wanted to put it, and feminism, to the forefront.I have chosen to leave out certain details of my life because my friends and family do not know I write this blog. While this could be interpreted as evidence of shame for my illness or the internalization of

Cianoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-404632778388384997.post-35931387235592091152009-07-09T12:39:00.001-07:002009-07-09T12:39:54.251-07:00

Crazed and Infused coming soon. Check back!

Cianoreply@blogger.com0